False Envy

I guess I need to get over this part, so do many others that have been discarded by a Narcissist.  Let me see what it is that I “Envy” about the New Supply…?? Hmmm…..


  1. She is with him….

Well, that really means nothing. Anyone can be with him, all you have to be is convenient and answer the phone. Hmmm…

masked woman

  1. She looks OK, is it her beauty?

No, I don’t think it’s her beauty, because I know that I am more attractive than her.  Even that comment was made by him to me numerous times… So, that can’t be it.


  1. She is living my life and all that he and I talked about, right down to the house, location and accessories.

No, this isn’t it.  She is the one that is supplying that lifestyle, just as I would and was before. He isn’t contributing to that life, he is just using it as a projection of himself.  It is image…. And not even his…

broken plate and glass

  1. She has his loyalty?

Ha, now that one isn’t true at all.  I have to remember this.  If he was so loyal, I wouldn’t receive calls and the love messages daily.  He certainly wouldn’t be on dating sites everyday. He wouldn’t be talking to additional other women (arrogantly self-admitted).  He would not have carried on two separate relationships until I had to run (again).  He wouldn’t continue to ask me when I am going to come to him.  He wouldn’t share all the crazy thoughts he has about her that are disparaging with me.  I have no doubt they are the same he has said about me. So, loyalties… she doesn’t have that either.

dream hope

  1. She can dream of a future?

The key word here is “dream”.  I dream of many futures that were created by his words and promises.  However, even though he is with a New Supply, he still talks about “our future”, how we will be together… Not true, I’m sure he says the same to her…. The one before thought she was getting an engagement ring at Costco. Ha, Costco…. I don’t mean to laugh about that, only that is was said to me to try to make me jealous, but it made me think how crazy that was, to buy an engagement ring at “Costco”?  I don’t know.  It just didn’t represent to me making the effort, making it special… a Costco engagement ring that can be found in the isle after bulk dog food?  The only future I can even imagine will be the future that she creates and then spends a lifetime taking care of him (while he cheats, drinks and lies).

The TRUTH here is…

beach woman

There is nothing to envy about the New Supply to envy. She really is just a hot mess..  I feel somewhat sorry for her when I resurrect my Christianity.  I believe that she really thinks that this life is better than the one that she once had before him. If that is true, she has really had a very sad life. It will take time, but hopefully she will see it before it destroys her.  I have known the pain of loving this same man and don’t wish that hurt and betrayal on anyone… not even her.

I never meant to fall in love with a Narcissistic man.  I didn’t even know what one was until our relationship long made any sense. I gave of myself all I had to an empty black bottomless hole. I use to think I saw the lost and hurt child within the man that I love. I felt he suffered and I wanted to be that comfort to him.  Well, I can still claim the crown, for I am always the one he comings running to when he needs it .  That is what we were, that is what brings him back to me, over and over. It is just like that the Tom Cat that comes home at night to be fed and cared for, to only roam the streets again the next day and pick up whatever “P****” that will let him in….


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