My message to you…

I have been told over and over that given you will never give me closure, that I can obtain mine own by writing a letter to you.  However from what I understand, the rule is that I am not to send it to you.  Therefore, you know who you are… and here lie my thoughts, feelings, hurt, anger, frustration and everything else you have been able to impose upon me over a period of 7 years.  These episodes of me expressing my feelings to you have always gone unheard, you didn’t care about them and somehow, you would twist it on me as to how I wasn’t supposed to have them.  I would feel guilty for displaying my insecurities and feeding you ammunition to use them all against me.  I gave you the source of my weaknesses for you to conquer my kingdom, disrespect my temple, while placing myself as a sacrificial lamb for a circumstance that I didn’t create, nor knew existed.

Oh yes, everyone was right.  You are a bogus, loud mouth, selfish, arrogant human being, with little to nothing to offer anyone.  What I once felt was a sacred bond between us, resulted in you abusing it and using it when you needed, wanted or were out of sorts.  Sure, here I have been to be that friend (best one you said), lover, adoring partner, problem solver, caretaker, secretary, nursemaid… this list could go on forever.  I had become all of those things just because of loving you.  My price to have paid… 7 years of a life.