My Summer Pony Tail

I whisper your name in silence,
so softly that I cannot hear it myself…

A denial of my love, a betrayal of my own heart…
Just to let it be known, that it still yearns for you.

I breath the fresh air that I thought would give me freedom,
but to hear your voice…

I am still captured with intoxication of the love we have shared.

In this life…

we have such small chosen bits that are offered for purity and simplicity.

What we have shared had filled those empty masks
that were missing the elements of what souls bind with.

You found me, you filled me….
But now I whisper your name in silent darkness
where I can only see you in my dreams.


Years ago I wrote this note to myself… I was envisioning the conflicts between what was right and wrong about my toxic relationship. The shame that I still had for still loving someone that was unable to truly love… just acted out the parts well, until they bored him. I had believed that our love filled a piece of me that was empty, a place where I let no one go to… til him…

I would see him, hear his voice, I would become flooded with feelings from the past, feeling from what once was magical between us. However, it was all a lie…

This Summer Pony Tail, was for me now… the masks were still missing the elements that binds souls. I pulled my hair back, took a moment to breath in that same fresh air and now I no longer have those dreams of someone that never really existed.

Loving the unlovable….



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